The Warriors Fanfiction Advice Guide Show
by VolcanicPizza
Summary: Just what the title says. Firestar, Hollyleaf, Yellowfang, Jayfeather, and more will answer your questions about the world of Warriors fanfiction. Just remember: this is a trollfic, so anything can happen. Anything... (Complete/discontinued)
1. Episode One: The Introduction

**A/N: This is a new thing I'm doing just because I can and also to genuinely help people. (Shout out to Gustpetal for inspiring me to do this.) For further explanation on what this is, just read it.**

 **WARNING: Contains spoilers for Omen of the Stars.**

Firestar grimaced as Hollyleaf started up the camera. It wasn't that he wasn't proud of his granddaughter for getting a job on the Warriors Fanfiction Advice Guide Show (in fact, he was very proud of her), it was just that he wasn't even sure why he was doing this. But after a few moons in StarClan, it got boring, so when a mysterious voice in the sky had asked him if he wanted a new job, he jumped at the chance.

When he discovered it was actually a Twoleg who wanted him as the star of his advice show for writing Warriors fanfiction, he wasn't exactly thrilled. But after the Twoleg, who claimed to be called VolcanicPizza, told him he'd guarantee him fame, fresh-kill, and a comfy place to sleep each night, and added that a bunch of other cats he knew had already agreed to it, he couldn't exactly say no.

"Okay!" yowled Hollyleaf, holding up three toes. "We're on in three... two... one..."

Firestar looked over the script on the desk one more time, shifted his buttocks nervously on his chair, and then fastened a cheery smile on his face and looked right into the camera lens.

"Hello, everyone, and welcome to the Warriors Fanfiction Advice Guide Show!" he started, the forced smile beginning to become a real one as he realized that hundreds of cats were watching right now. The smile slipped a little as he remembered that Twolegs would be watching this, too, but he forced himself to keep the cheesy grin on.

"I'm Firestar, and I'll be your host today." Off stage left, Yellowfang cued the camera. "And here's our script writer, VolcanicPizza!"

The camera panned over to reveal a typical teenaged boy finishing off the last of a bag of Doritos. He was wearing a black shirt and jeans and typing away furiously at his computer's keyboard. He looked up, nodded and grinned at the camera, then quickly gave it the finger.

"So that's where my bag of Doritos went." muttered Firestar. "I'll get him for that." As the camera panned back towards them, he continued, "This isn't a show to answer your questions about questionable pairings or what would've happened if Tigerstar hadn't been a murderous tyrant. This is to answer your questions about writing Warriors fanfiction... and NO, questions about Warriors mating lemons will NOT, I repeat, NOT, be answered. Those are disgraceful and essentially porn, and if you read them, you are one of the worst kinds of Twoleg that can exist!" Firestar was obviously passionate about the issue of Warriors mating lemons as he glared angrily into the lens.

"Hey, Firestar!" called VolcanicPizza from offstage. "Can you cool it? People are watching this, and I don't want them to flame it just because you punch the camera lens in."

"Right, right." Firestar settled back into his chair, wondering how he'd managed to squeeze himself into it, or indeed even sit upright. "We'll answer your questions about your fanfictions. Can't figure out what a character in your fanfiction should do? Ask! Can't figure out what the main Clan of your fanfiction should be? Ask! All we need are reviews asking us these questions. I can wait."

 **A/N: You heard the man. Review, and your question will be answered.**


	2. Episode Two: Only One Review? Really?

**A/N: So we're back again!**

 **Warning: Contains spoilers for The New Prophecy and Omen of the Stars and some MLG. You have been warned.**

After a day, Firestar was back here, again. Yay. For those of you listening in on his thoughts, WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU?! Oh, right, you're reading them off of your computer/phone/tablet. Never mind...

Notice that unlike most trollfic writers, there were no 1's in place of exclamation points. That's right, good spelling and proud of it.

"Okay!" Hollyleaf meowed. "We're on in three... two... one..."

Firestar grinned at the camera. "Hello, everyone, and welcome back!" he exclaimed. "First of all, we've had 22 views and one review where this is based on FanFiction. This is very disappointing and I expect better from you." He shook out a piece of fancy paper. "Our only review comes from XXwintershadowsXX- shout out to you, by the way, for being the first reviewer- which states:

'Ok, here's one: Prophecys and Omens. Some of us Fanfiction writers have a hard time writing them, so I thought this would be a good idea. And Firestar, I totally agree with you on the Lemon thing.'"

"YES!" Firestar yowled, jumping up from his chair. "Finally, someone agrees with me! YEAH!"

"Look, Firestar," called VolcanicPizza from offstage, "I know you're excited, but you don't have to screech like a chimpanzee that has just discovered what bananas taste like."

Somewhere out there in TV-land, the sole chimpanzee viewer shouted, "That's racist!" and demolished his TV with a biology textbook.

"Well, XXwintershadowsXX," Firestar continued, leaning forwards over his desk, "I've seen many different guides to creating prophecies out there in the world of the fandom- VolcanicPizza introduced me to a wonderful thing called the Internet which makes this job almost bearable- but I'll sum it up into a few major points." He turned to the blackboard that had just materialized out of thin air, pulled a piece of chalk out of the sky, and turned to the chalkboard. He wrote the first point, reading it as he did:

 ** _1\. You don't have to include the first AND last parts of the names of the cats involved in the prophecy, or indeed their names at all._**

"I've seen too many prophecies in cruddy fanfictions where it's something like this." Firestar said. "Say the main character is called Hawkfeather, and he/she is going to save the forest... WHICH HAS BEEN TOTALLY OVERUSED!" he suddenly yowled, and everyone jumped. "So the prophecy is something like, _The gliding hawk's feather will preserve the Clans from destruction._ This is too predictable and obvious. Only use the character's full warrior name in the prophecy if they haven't been given that name yet. The prophecy might as well be saying, _Hawkfeather will save the Clans. This prophecy is totally predictable._ A better prophecy would be something like this: _The leaf-bare of the Clans approaches. As a feather takes flight, newleaf will arrive._ It would be much better if Hawkfeather is an apprentice at the beginning, and becomes a warrior as the threat to the Clans arrives, so it's even less obvious who will fulfill the prophecy. It could be Hawkfeather, but it could also be anyone else in the Clan with 'feather' in their name. If any of you cite the 'fire will save the Clans' prophecy as an example of what I said not to do, remember that Bluestar was really going off a hunch when she named me Firepaw."

 _ **2\. Don't make it obvious, and keep it simple.**_

"You know, you could've phrased that better." called VolcanicPizza.

"Shut up!" snarled Firestar. "For instance, let's use the shudder-worthy prophecy from Starkit's Prophecy- WHICH IS NOT CANON AT ALL, YOU HEAR ME? AT ALL! EVEN IF IT WAS, I'D NEVER FALL IN LOVE WITH SOME **BLEEP-BLEEPITY-BLEEP BLEEP** RAINBOW-EYED **BLEEP-BLEEP** MARY-SUE **BLEEP**! YOU HEAR ME? NEVER!" he yowled at the top of his lungs.

VolcanicPizza winced. "I'll have to bleep that out in case there are some little kids reading this..." He began typing even more furiously.

Quickly composing himself, Firestar continued, "The prophecy is: _Out of the darkness, stars will come and get rid of the evil tiger and holly._ You can immediately guess what it's about, and the only angle it's cryptic from is that the antagonists aren't introduced until a few chapters in. It's just easy to guess. Simple as that. A better prophecy would have been _A bright gleam is blighted by a past evil._ It uses the last part of Stargleam's warrior name, which she doesn't receive until she's six moons and pi days old, and doesn't specify what the evil is. Furthermore, it doesn't mention the outcome. If the author of Starkit's Prophecy had made Starkit less of a Mary-Sue, used a prophecy like this one, spelled things correctly, used more likely antagonists, and stuck to canon, who knows? Maybe more people than the author and her best friend would have actually liked it."

 ** _3\. Keep it cryptic, and don't specify the outcome._**

"Let's use the prophecy from the last books of 'The New Prophecy.'" Firestar turned to face the audience of TV viewers and FanFiction readers. " _Before there is peace, blood will spill blood and the lake will run red._ The prophecy is almost perfect because it doesn't mention any cat's names and doesn't specify how blood will spill blood. Even when it became obvious that the conflict was between Brambleclaw and Hawkfrost, it still wasn't clear what would happen. It could've gone with Brambleclaw killing me and joining Tigerstar just as easily as it going the way it did."

"Another thing you can try is to mangle some part of the prophecy, or cut it short." Firestar added. "You don't have to include the whole prophecy, and doing so can create controversy over what'll happen."

 ** _4\. You don't have to have the same over-cliched medicine cats around a pool high as_ bleep _doing prophecies_ _with_ bleep _kind of thing._**

Static appeared over the swear words Firestar had written as he turned back towards the camera. "Remember, you don't have to have a medicine cat or even a normal cat get the prophecy while they're sleeping. You can have them hear it while they're hunting, have them have a vision of it, like when Leafpool received the 'blood-will-spill-blood' prophecy."

 _ **5\. Omens can be better than prophecies.**_

"It can be better to have it be an omen, like Cinderpelt's fire-and-tiger. Omens are harder to understand than prophecies are, which can lead to the outcome of the story becoming even more unpredictable than cutting the prophecy short." Firestar drew a quick picture on the chalkboard of a stick cat staring at a bunch of lines with a stick cat inside of them. "Cinderpelt and I thought the fire-and-tiger prophecy meant Brambleclaw and Squirrelflight would destroy the Clan, and in fact they did, but in the best way possible. They destroyed the Clan but made it a better Clan."

In the ThunderClan camp, Squirrelflight and Bramblestar rolled their eyes simultaneously as they watched the show.

"I hope I answered your question... Of course, for those of you too lazy to come up with your own prophecies anyway," Firestar continued, "IWalkBlindlyIntoTheShadows has made a thing called Echoleap's Prophecies, where you can get one without trying to come up with it on your own. I can't guarantee their quality, but that's the path for lazy slackers." He smiled grimly. "I think that's it..."

From offstage, an air horn blared multiple times.

"Excuse me." said Firestar with a tight smile. He stood up and walked off stage. Shortly, lots of yowling, air horn blasts, and scuffling could be heard. After a minute, Firestar walked back on stage. "Sorry about that." he meowed. "SOMEONE just gave Badgerfang an air horn. But, you know, nothing I couldn't... deal with."

An Illuminati triangle appeared over his ear, and the camera zoomed in on it as 'that Illuminati music' played.

"Hey!" shouted Firestar, swatting at the triangle.

"Release the Doritos!" shouted Yellowfang, and Doritos rained on Firestar's head.

"What's going on?!" howled Firestar.

"It's MLG!" shouted VolcanicPizza. "Deal with it."

Random Nyan Cats and Snoop Doggs appeared as 'Smoke Weed Every Day' blared in the background.

"FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU" Firestar raged.

 **A/N: Okay, so that was random... XD**

 **But seriously, I hope this was helpful.**

 **By the way, I do not condone the smoking or using of marijuana products.**


	3. Episode Three: Helpful Advice, Or Not

**A/N: And back to the third episode of the Warriors Fanfiction Advice Guide! (flails around crazily) Yay!**

 **If you think your answer was too short, remember that I don't want to make the episodes too long and I also want to leave some room for a few bad puns, Warriors using Twoleg things, or other all-around trollficness. (I KNOW THAT ISN'T A WORD, YOU GRAMMAR NAZIS!)**

 **Warning: Spoilers for Power of Three and Omen of the Stars.**

 **Disclaimer: I'm not advertising Doritos or MLG by continuously using them in the story.**

Slitting open a packet of Doritos, Firestar inhaled the savory scent. He stuffed an enormous lump of chips in his mouth and chewed slowly, ensuring to savor every bit of the fragrant taste. Firestar looked back at the camera. "When're we starting filming?" he asked, his voice slightly muffled by the soggy wad of chewed Doritos in his mouth.

"Now!" replied Hollyleaf, grinning evilly as she fired up the camera.

"Oh, **bleep _,_** no, not **bleep** ing now!" Firestar dove off his chair as the camera began filming. " **Bleep!** " As he dove behind the table, it tipped over, smashing into the camera. Hollyleaf went flying backwards off of it with a startled yelp as the camera went crashing to the floor.

 **bleep-colored bars-bleep**

After a pause of a few minutes, the show was back up and running. Hollyleaf stole VolcanicPizza's cell phone to record the episode, Yellowfang fixed the table, which had fallen apart when it crashed into the camera, and Firestar sat in a comfy chair eating his Doritos as everyone except him worked to fix things.

"Welcome to the third episode of the Warriors Fanfiction Advice Guide!" Firestar grinned at the camera, hoping nobody would notice the Dorito crumbs in his whiskers. "We've got a lot more reviews, so let's go through as many as we can in as little time as possible."

He shook out a sheet of fancy paper. "Let's see... the first one is from Daze471, who asks:"

how about avoiding cliche loves (medicine cat, and different clans) but still having love drama (BTW no ashfur-ness either he was a *bleep*.

"Well, first of all, I completely agree with you on no Ashfur-ness and that he was a **bleep.** I'd say... just have no romances involving medicine cats and different Clans." Firestar winced as he remembered Hollyleaf was a product of such a relationship, but she didn't seem to notice. "Furthermore, no relationships over different times. The only time that was ever used was with Jayfeather and Half Moon, and it didn't really work out then either."

"I wouldn't suggest having them hate each other from the start, either. Maybe only one of them, or maybe they're just friends at first." Firestar coughed as he placed the paper down on the table. "Perhaps having something like what happened with Squirrelflight pretending to be Lionblaze, Hollyleaf, and Jayfeather's mother, but only pretending, say, for a Clanmate who doesn't want the truth to get out. I think it would only really work for a tom pretending to be the father of a litter instead of the real father for whatever reason."

"Perhaps, however, you could work in something like Squirrelflight and Brambleclaw. On and off for whatever reason, perhaps one trying to be too overprotective, or another cat gets integrated... That's about it, I think. Next!" he called cheerily, picking up the paper again. "This one's from Shadowman:"

This isn't exactly a Warriors question, but would it be worth it for me to get a fanfiction account?

"Well, you're right that isn't a Warriors question, but I'll answer it anyway because I'm nice." Firestar pulled a Pop-Tart from a drawer under the table and sliced open the wrapper with a single claw, continuing to speak as he did. "It depends on whether you want to post fanfictions or just comment on fanfictions. If you want to post fanfictions, get a fanfiction account, if not, don't."

The next question came from anon, who asked:

Hi, I'm new to this fanfiction. I want to know how I should start off like the basics of writing a Warriors fanfic. Thanks!

"Well, that's a pretty enormous topic, but I'll try to narrow it down into a few key points." As before, the chalkboard miraculously appeared out of thin air, chalk appeared randomly in Firestar's paw, and he began to write.

 _ **1\. If you're stuck for character ideas, send out an OCs Needed.**_

"This won't be the route for everyone, but if you're lazy, do it. The only things you shouldn't do is say you need a main character or tell people who the main Clan is."

 _ **2\. Avoid Mary-Sues/Gary-Stus for main characters.**_

"Make sure to give your main character(s) as many flaws as they have strengths." Firestar stuffed a wad of Pop-Tart in his mouth. "Make sure they have a normal sounding name, like Mudfrost or Nightheart (nothing involving Moon or any parts of Clan's names) and don't give them kittypet or rogue origins unless it's essential to the plot of the story." he mumbled around the Pop-Tart. "Most cats have normal origins, so if you want your cat to be believable, give him or her a normal background, description, and name. No purple tabbies or rainbow eyes or I'll flame you harder than the Great Chicago Fire."

 _ **3\. You should probably choose a different 'main Clan' than ThunderClan.**_

"As much as I hate to admit it, there are far too many fanfictions where the main Clan is ThunderClan. Go for a little variety by picking another Clan, or don't even use Clans- use the Tribe of Rushing Water, Twolegplaces, or even StarClan or the Dark Forest as the setting of your story."

 _ **4\. Go wild with uchronia and future stories.**_

"Probably one of the favorite genres of Warriors fanfiction isn't trollfics or the awful porn lemons, but rather alternate history and future Clans. Tigerstar taking over ThunderClan is done to death, as is a future time where the Clans have fallen, but what about if Thistleclaw had taken over ThunderClan? What if SkyClan had stayed? What if the Three were never born? What if the six cats on the journey went home through the Twolegplace again instead of the mountains? What if on the Great Journey the four Clans had gone to live with SkyClan? (The last one, in VolcanicPizza's opinion, is what should have happened, by the way, and he'll be more than happy to make a fanfiction about that if you request it after he's finished some of his others.) Why not see the Tribe of Rushing Water collapse in the future? Why not have a future where a cat succeeds in taking over the Clans, or perhaps a past where it did happen? You can take any of those ideas and use them yourself, or come up with your own. Just make sure it's believable."

 _ **5\. Stick to canon.**_

"I can't even begin to stress how important this is, unless you're writing alternate history. You should just know that it's important, and not even have me needing to tell you."

"I think that's it..." Firestar panted, taking the opportunity to finish off his Pop-Tart. You could almost hear it screaming in terror as it vanished down his greedy gullet.

"The final question is from catzattack, who asked:"

how can i make better battle scenes..?

"I'd say... first of all, make the battle logical. Don't make a battle happen because one Clan stole a single mouse from another, unless it's a trollfic. Second, make a reasonable amount of cats come to the battle. Also, you should probably not have both Clan leaders come to the battle unless it's really important. You also shouldn't have a really long battle scene (more than 3,000 words) or have a bunch of battles happen in quick succession unless it's an interClan war. Finally, don't be afraid to have a high mortality rate and employ the 'anyone can die' principle. This applies to apprentices, too. If you're still torn over whether to kill someone off, do a poll and see whether people want that cat to die or not." Firestar finished off his Pop-Tart. Pulling a can of Sprite out of thin air, he popped it and drank deeply. "Ahhh, that's good." he sighed. He chucked the wrapper from the Pop-Tart at Yellowfang. "Slave! Go throw this out!"

With an outraged yowl accompanied by blaring air horns from Badgerfang in the corner, Yellowfang launched herself on top of Firestar. They rolled across the floor in a tangle of gray and ginger fur as they swiped and yowled at each other.

Running out of the corner, Badgerfang took a flying leap onto the table. He finished off Firestar's Sprite, turned to face the camera, and squeaked, "I doubt Firestar's going to come out of that battle intact... If he doesn't, I'll be answering the questions next time!" He began playing the Jeopardy theme with his air horn as Hollyleaf turned off the camera.

 **A/N: If anyone feels I/Firestar didn't answer your question thoroughly enough, just tell me along with what you were hoping for and Badgerfang will rectify that next episode.**


	4. Episode Four: Way Too Many Lightsabers

**A/N: (sighs) Well, time to get back to this. I know, I'm a terrible updater and have probably left everyone hanging. Well, I can't help the fact that my school gives a lot of homework, and I wouldn't be updating right now if Badgerfang hadn't handcuffed me to my computer and told me he wouldn't let me go until I finish this chapter. (shoots self with finger gun) Plus, I was watching a great alternate history mockumentary called 'C.S.A.: Confederate States of America.'**

 **Anyway, let's get right into this!**

 **Warning: Contains spoilers for Omen of the Stars and A Vision of Shadows (that's the new series).**

As the camera panned in towards Badgerfang, who was wearing a paper Alex Trebek mask, he began to play the Jeopardy theme with his air horns. "Welcome back, everyone, to the Warriors Fanfiction Advice Guide Show!" he squeaked. "I wanted to do this episode earlier, but _VolcanicPizza_ here decided to be a lazy bum and not update!" He pointed dramatically at VolcanicPizza, who was slumped over in his chair and handcuffed to the computer. "Look, it's not my fault I got a lot of homework!" he protested. "Anyway, you didn't have to handcuff me to the computer until I finish this episode!"

Badgerfang rolled his eyes. "Anyway, we'll get into answering questions right now! Raven Wing20 has asked:"

If I were to do a child of scourge fanfic ad I describe him as a nice cat but defendant of his family How am I going to write his BLOODY killings.

"Uh, far as I know, the Erins said Scourge was neutered, AND I don't really see Scourge taking a mate, period. But, since I'm nice, I'll tell you anyway." Badgerfang finally stopped playing the Jeopardy theme with his air horns and leaned back in his comfy swivel chair. "I'd say that first, it'll depend on who his mother was. I wouldn't recommend it to be a kittypet because, despite his kittypet origins, Scourge despised kittypets. She should probably be a rogue or something, and his attitude would depend greatly on his mother, since I'd say Scourge wasn't exactly the daddy type. Next, I'd say to make him reluctant, but kind of like he feels the rogue equivalent of StarClan wants him to. I'd be more specific, but I'm not quite sure I understand your question fully."

Moonbeam141 asked:

Do you have any advice for handling flamers? (Flamers, I say, not Dark Forest cats).

Also…which would be a better fanfic to read: something Dawn of the Clans related, or yet another fanfiction about the possible kits Cinderheart and Lionblaze might have? (Or, you know, anything that's been done over and over again).

"Handling flamers? Well, I'd give them a few toots in the ear with my air horn, but since Twolegs can't do that, I'd suggest to ignore the flamer. Like normal bullies, if you don't give the flamer fuel for their flame, it'll probably not work. If that doesn't work, try politely requesting them in a PM to stop or asking exactly what they find so offensive about you. Again, as with normal bullies, when confronted flamers tend to stop. If it's a guest flaming you, you can use the little 'Moderate Reviews' feature FanFiction has to delete their nasty comments before they even get posted. As for the fanfic, I'd say Dawn of the Clans related, because the Erins have already confirmed **WARNING: SPOILER ALERT** that Cinderheart and Lionblaze's kits are Fernsong, Sorrelstripe, and Hollytuft, and most speculative fics in that department talk about entirely different kits."

Cynical-Britton asked:

How about twolegs-turned-cats? Usually it's the same story with a different coat of paint.

"VolcanicPizza's actually writing a Twoleg-turned-cat fic right now, but it's a trollfic in which **THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH WAS REMOVED BECAUSE SPOILER ALERT.** First, try having it not be a girl. Most Twolegs-turned-cats are girls AND Mary-Sues, but I won't go into avoiding Mary-Sue characters again. Next, PLEASE don't have the Twoleg in question once have owned Rusty/Firestar. I'd say at least a third Twoleg-turned-humans owned Firestar as a kittypet."

Badgerfang turned sharply at the sound of clanging metal to see VolcanicPizza trying to break out of his handcuffs. "Don't you dare!" he shouted, and VolcanicPizza sighed and continued typing.

Badgerfang rolled his eyes and continued, "Don't transform the character in the first chapter; show a bit of backstory. Not too much, just what's relevant. Also, think through exactly why StarClan would turn a human into a cat. Maybe it's to redeem Twolegs for all they've done to cats, or maybe it's StarClan fooling around and stuff goes wrong. It doesn't have to be StarClan doing the transforming, too: maybe it's a medical experiment gone wrong. Next, no abusive parents. That should be a no-brainer. It's too much of a tragic backstory."

Badgerfang paused briefly to fiddle with his air horns, then continued, "If you insist on having StarClan transform them and appear in a dream, they shouldn't recognize the StarClan cat in question just from looking at the cover pictures and guide pictures and so on. Furthermore, how do Twolegs understand cat language, and vice versa, if you insist on having a dream sequence where they speak with StarClan? If you do that, have an explanation."

Clanging metal sounded again as VolcanicPizza tugged futilely at his handcuffs. "Somebody help me..." he whimpered as Badgerfang jabbered on, oblivious to the fact that the author was trying to escape.

"Also, there should be some pain in having your entire anatomy violently changed, and NOBODY could sleep through that. Furthermore, please explain how, per se, StarClan would transform a human into a cat, period."

"Setting all that aside, they won't know what Clan territory they arrive in immediately. Please don't use the over-cliched patrol-runs-in and they ask if they can join them." Badgerfang blasted his air horn. "Or else I'll blast your face off."

"Put some thought into what Clan's territory you put them in, and don't just drop them into your favorite one. Who knows, maybe you can have them go to a different Clan than their favorite one and that's an element of the plot." Badgerfang nodded, satisfied with that. "And finally, who says they have to join a Clan?"

XXwintershadowsXX asked:

Oh my Starclan, that ending XD. Also, I'm finally not the only one who thinks that Omens are WAAAAY better then cliché-old-prophecys. For ideas... maybe how to make a Clan's history?

"That's... um... kind of hard to do." Badgerfang frowned. "I'd say, start where Moth Flight's Vision left off and go from there, and make sure to keep a running character list. If you are setting yourself to do THAT, then I wish you good luck, because it'll take you moons to write it all and make sure it ties into the Clans in some of the earlier books like Mapleshade's Vengeance, or, Goosefeather's Curse. I can't really offer much more than that simply because that's such an enormous thing you'd be setting out to do."

Daze471 asked:

how about help for writing about clans that are not canon.

"With non-canon Clans, you're treading on thin ice. You're leaving the realm of the established five Clans and opening yourself up for flamers to yowl that your Clan is undeveloped or so on. However, I'd advise that you look at the fact files in the Warriors field guide Secrets of the Clans and write one of those for the non-canon Clan you plan on making. Draw a map of their territory, their camp, pull together characters, that kind of thing. Also, you should preferably call the Clan something that would work for a canon Clan. Not something like OakClan or LeafClan, and don't go with CheetahClan unless you're writing about an exiled fourth Ancient Clan. Use something that isn't in any used Warriors names or is rarely used, like, say, StreamClan. WildClan would be an okay name, I guess."

Guest asked:

My question is: What is Starkit's prophecy?

Badgerfang shuddered. "Starkit's Prophecy is an absolutely awful story about a non-canon, cliched Mary-Sue with purple fur who basically converts the Clans to Christianity and becomes leader at six moons and pi days old. DO NOT READ IT IF YOU VALUE YOUR BRAIN CELLS. VolcanicPizza knows a guy who read the whole thing through without any breaks and he's currently confined in a mental hospital. Well, that's a lie, but it COULD be true! It's okay to read a commentary on it, but not the unedited original."

"PizaSmokesWeed, your question has not been answered for obvious reasons."

"Why?" asked Yellowfang, confused.

"It's about lemons." whispered Badgerfang, like mating lemons were the Oprichnina listening in on them.

"Oh." Yellowfang nodded understandingly.

Suddenly, with a terrible crashing sound, a cat-sized DeLorean smashed through the back of the set.

"What the **bleep**?" screeched Hollyleaf, jumping backwards.

The gull wing doors opened, and Alderpaw from A Vision of Shadows stepped out. "Hi, everyone! My name's Alderpaw, and I'm Bramblestar and Squirrelflight's son from the future!" he greeted them. "Who wants me to ruin my whole series?"

With a snarl, Badgerfang pressed down on his air horns, making bright green lightsaber blades shoot out of them. "Nobody."

"Go ahead and try it!" invited Yellowfang, pulling out her own lightsaber.

"Okay!" grinned Alderpaw, obviously not getting the sarcasm. "Sparkpaw is- _Oof!"_ he cried as a hooded figure tackled him from behind. The figure raised its hood, revealing it to be... MAPLESHADE!

"Ha!" Mapleshade cried, igniting a red lightsaber. "Give me the DeLorean!"

"Never!" shouted Alderpaw. "The DeLorean is my baby!"

A random train appeared out of nowhere and crushed the DeLorean.

"NOOOO!" cried both Mapleshade and Alderpaw.

"Where'd the train come from?" asked Hollyleaf quizzically.

Outside, the I Like Trains kid was scratching his head and wondering why the train he summoned hadn't just crushed him.

Badgerfang took the handcuffs off of VolcanicPizza and slapped them on Mapleshade. The author had done his duty, after all. "Alderpaw, I guess you're stuck here until I can find the replacement parts for my replica TARDIS." Badgerfang informed him. "Until then, we'll have to get you a job on the show!"

"Me?" squeaked Alderpaw, petrified.

"Sure!" Badgerfang confirmed, while the Illuminati triangle which appeared over his ear confirmed he was Illuminati confirmed. "You can answer the questions next episode."

With a moan, Alderpaw shrank down onto his knees.

 **A/N: If you knew what the Oprichnina were without having to look it up, thumbs up and digital cookies to you. (::)**


	5. Episode Five: Kidnapped Again!

**A/N: I'm well aware that I haven't updated for an incredibly long time. (derp) I actually wasn't going to update today, but Badgerfang and Alderpaw kidnapped me and essentially tied me to my chair so that only my hands are free to type, but they're handcuffed them to the desk so I can't untie the ropes.**

 **SwiftbirdTC: Yay! Thanks for your support!**

 **KajkaElina: I did what? Please specify exactly what I stole from you... (looks back at chapter) Oh, yeah, I suggested 'StreamClan' as a Clan name. Uh... still, I don't know where I 'stole' this StreamClan from...**

 **Also, if you want to know precisely what Alderpaw sounds like, go to** **www. oddcast .com home/demos/tts/tts_** **(I had to put in the spaces or FanFiction would delete it) and do the Dave (US) voice.**

 **Warning: Contains a lot of spoilers.**

VolcanicPizza looked down at his test paper. The question glared up at him:

A polynomial function g(x) with integer coefficients has a leading coefficient of 1 and a constant term of 3.

According to the Rational Root Theorem, which of the following are possible roots of g(x)?

"Uh..." VolcanicPizza sighed with relief as he noticed it was multiple-choice. He chucked his pencil at the paper. "D. Okay..."

With a chaotic crashing sound of chaotic crashing chaos, Badgerfang and Alderpaw burst through the window in a highly chaotic way. The two cats landed on the floor ninja-style and pulled out lightsabers.

Alderpaw pulled out a cue card and read in a robotic monotone. "You're being kidnapped for not updating your fanfic. Come with us, convict."

"No, no!" Badgerfang argued. "You do it like this." He adopted a RoboCop voice. "You're being kidnapped for not updating your fanfic! Come with us, convict!" He held a lightsaber blade to VolcanicPizza's throat.

"I guess I don't have much of a choice..." VolcanicPizza stood up. "Ah, well, at least I get to miss precalculus."

On the drive back home, Badgerfang crashed into nineteen trash cans, four cars, twelve front porches, and two fire hydrants.

 _This is where the advice stuff actually starts..._

* * *

"Okay, let's get started." Alderpaw read monotonously from a cue card. "SylviaHunterOfArtemis, you said:"

I hate the Illuminati sorry all!

Hmm, well do you have any advice on not making your oc's journey to leaderdom as little Mary Sue as possible? (Ex: Not like Firestar's I'm sorry but he is so Gary Stu)

"Hey!" called Firestar from outside, where he was still nursing his multiple Dorito-inflicted cuts with a baby bottle. "I'm right here, you know!"

"We're well aware of that, grampy." Alderpaw continued in a robotic voice. "Anyway, SylviaHunterOfArtemis, my suggestion would be to give them a normal name, not an epic-sounding one like Alderpaw. Go with something like Frogtail that sounds ordinary. Also, delay them becoming deputy until they're at least forty moons old, and delay their leadership until at least fifteen moons after they're appointed deputy. I'd also suggest they have a normal background, not a tragic one, and at least one sibling. If you want a base for your OC's journey to leadership, take Tallstar's, omit his father dying and him going off with rogues, and you've got it."

Falconwing:

Ok I admit it: I didn't take your advice and I read the unabridged version of Starkit's Prophecy. The doctors say my mental health may never be completely restored. I want to know whether you should know whats going to happen in your fan fiction before you start writing, or can you just make it up as you go?

"That has got to hurt." Alderpaw winced. "I, too, read the unabridged Starkit's Prophecy a day after I arrived in the past and have barely regained use of my motor functions. As for your question, in general you can make it up as you go along as long as you have a general idea of how the plot is going to go. Not exact, just general. For instance: 'Cat is warrior, cat wants to be medicine cat, cat has an adventure, cat's best friend betrays him/her, cat's best friend dies, cat becomes medicine cat, happy ending.' VolcanicPizza didn't himself know how Smokepaw's Quest was going to end until he neared the last chapters."

Dusksoul:

I know this isn't about the fanfiction itself, but how do I inspire myself? No writer's block (ugh that completely cuts off all creativity,) but just a lack of inspiration?

"My best suggestion would be to brainstorm. If brainstorming is blocked by your lack of inspiration, why not ask other people in the FanFiction community for assistance? VolcanicPizza did that a few times when he was stuck. Alternatively, why not spend an hour browsing through the Warriors fanfiction archives and noting plot twists or storylines you like and are inspired by? Then, try throwing together those elements into one story."

RABBITS GALORE:

What is a good average Clan size? I always put in like 30 warriors, I know that's too much though.

"What I'd suggest is an amount between 17 and 28. However, you can always do more. Have you seen the leaked Vision of Shadows allegiances?"

With a sudden spark of lightning, Badgerfang was thrown across the stage onto the floor. A brief spark jumped between his ears. "Fixing the TARDIS." he said by way of explanation, getting up and dusting himself off.

Alderpaw sighed and rolled his eyes. "Next!"

Anya:

Do you have any tip on transforming warriors characters into believable Hunger Games tributes in that sort of crossover?

"In general, apply the rules for non-Mary-Sue characters- believable flaws (fear of the Games doesn't count), believable personality, believable et cetera. Make sure the characters aren't Katniss-wannabes. I'd also take some advice from the fic The Warriors Game by Silverkitty16, which only has a few chapters but is already showing some great principles."

Moonspeckle of ThunderClan:

I am writing my first story and the main kit has a curse because PLOT!   
But what how should you make a curse?  
He's a descendent of Firestar.

"Well, first of all, make sure your kit's curse isn't being a Mary-Sue/Gary-Stu." Alderpaw chuckled, pleased with that line even though he hadn't written it himself, VolcanicPizza had, then continued reading from the cue cards in a robotic voice. "As for being a descendant of Firestar, perhaps that could relate to his curse. I'm assuming that the story you're referring to it 'Half of Me,' which I went and checked out (it looks awesome so far), and if it is, you should probably have the curse just be that the divided fur extends to a split personality that causes Halfkit to murder cats and not remember it. You should also think about how the curse began in the first place and intertwine that into the curse itself, pertaining the curse to the cause."

* * *

"Hey, Alderpaw!" shouted Badgerfang. "I fixed the TARDIS, so we're going back in time to test it out. You wanna come?"

"Sure!" Alderpaw jumped into the TARDIS with Badgerfang. Shortly, the TARDIS vanished with a bang and reappeared in 1812, landing on top of the White House with a smash.

"Whoops." Badgerfang meowed guiltily. "Ah, well, at least it didn't make much difference!"

James Madison ran outside to see what had caused the crash. "What the hell did you kids do to my house?"

"Uh, nothing, Mr. President." Alderpaw replied. "How do we get out of here, Badgerfang?"

"Sure! Let's kill Hitler!" The TARDIS pulsed out of view, leaving a rather shocked James Madison behind.

 **A/N: Let's hope they manage to get Alderpaw home. I've grown tired of him hanging around my room speaking robotically and eating all the popcorn.**

 **And yes, that was an intentional reference to the Doctor Who episode 'Let's Kill Hitler.'**


	6. Episode Six: Get Ready to Stab Hitler!

**A/N: Took this off of hiatus, so let's go.**

 **Lazerkat: I'm totally fine with people who wrote CinderxLion kits stories before the canon kits were announced, it's just people who wrote them afterwards who grind my gears.**

 **SylviaHunterOfArtemis: You'll see if they succeed or not in killing Hitler this chapter.**

 **Anyway, this is going to be short because homework and stuff, so let's go.**

 **I've also changed the format for answering questions so it'll be (authorname):(question).**

Alderpaw and Badgerfang stopped in the TARDIS. The time was Hitler's office, 1933.

"You got your Uzi?" Alderpaw asked Badgerfang, who clicked it and aimed it at the man with the dumb mustache in front of them, who had just realized they had appeared.

"Yeah." Badgerfang cocked it at Hitler. "You press the button, warp us out of here as soon as I've fired, just like planned." He opened fire with the Uzi, spraying the office with bullets. Hitler jumped to the side, falling to the ground, as multiple men with guns stormed in and opened fire at the TARDIS.

"We missed him!" Badgerfang yowled.

"Too late, we'll have to go back for grenades and an AK-47 if we wanna really kill him!" Alderpaw slammed the button and they were warped back into the future.

"I just hope we didn't mess up the present and make people like Hitler by trying to assassinate him..." Badgerfang muttered worriedly.

"How does that even work?"

"Trust me, it does. Research martyrs."

Meanwhile in Hitler's office, the leader of the guard asked, "Herr, hast zwei Kazten nur versuchen, Sie du toten?"

Hitler looked up and rasped, "Niemand sagt jemand anders daruber. Ich werde zum Gespott Deutschland, wenn es steigt aus."

"Ja, mein Fuhrer!" The Nazis saluted and marched out of the room.

Meanwhile, the TARDIS reappeared in the studio. Badgerfang jumped out in front of VolcanicPizza, who was wearing all black. "VP, my man, glad to see you! I think we messed up history by trying to kill Hitler, and..." Badgerfang trailed off. "VolcanicPizza?"

Slowly VolcanicPizza raised his arm in a salute. "Heil Hitler." he rasped.

"No!" Alderpaw shrieked. "We messed up the space-time continuum or some other craziness!"

VolcanicPizza lowered his arm and burst into laughter. "I'm pulling your chain, you two."

"Not cool, man!" snapped Badgerfang.

"Anyway, you two should get in. The show's about to start." continued the author.

"Actually, can we take the day off?" asked Alderpaw.

"That depends, what are you going to do?"

"Kill Hitler."

"Take the day off." VolcanicPizza waved them away. "Firestar's recuperated enough, I'll get him back to answering questions.

* * *

Firestar picked at the edge of one of his Dorito cuts. "Are you sure I'm healed enough to do this?" he called.

"No." responded Hollyleaf unsympathetically. "We're on in three... two... one!"

Firestar forced a grin onto his face. "Welcome back to the Warriors Fanfiction Advice Guide!" he smiled. "Let's get right into answering questions!"

Cynical-Britton: What about human AUs? It gets pretty boing reading warriors (usually the three) in high school with everyone filling in some sort of school stereotype (jock, smart bloke, etc.) all the time

"Well, my satirical friend, first of all, don't have it be anyone in school. Just don't." Firestar popped a can of Mountain Dew and chugged the whole thing in one gulp, then chucked it at the wall. Unfortunately, the TARDIS reappeared, and it embedded itself in the side of the time-travelling police phone box.

"Firestar, I'm gonna kill you after we've killed Hitler!" raged Badgerfang. "You could've sent us all into quantum misalignment!"

"Wait, that's a thing?" asked Jayfeather, wide-eyed, who had just appeared for reasons known only to the gods of trollfics.

"No, I just made it up for scientific swag and et cetera. Get rekt m8." Alderpaw chucked a ninja-star fedora at Jayfeather, who vanished seconds before it hit him, again for reasons known only to the gods of trollfics. "Okay, Badgerfang, let's get that nuke from Soviet storage in 1969 and get back to Hitler's office!"

The TARDIS zoomed back off into the space-time continuum.

"Okay, so as I was saying..." Firestar continued. "Often, you can get good ideas simply by looking through other fandoms and doing crossovers or stuff like that. We've probably all written stories that aren't fanfiction- VolcanicPizza's got twenty-nine notebooks full of them- so why not use the worlds you created there? And finally, take overused tropes used in other fandoms or that are their own fandom and don't relate to a specific book/movie/game/etc., such as apocalypse or world war, and Warrior-ize them. If you're stumped for ideas, try looking at non-Warriors High School fics and getting ideas from those."

PerfectlyClearly: XD great stuff in here.

I have a story swimming 'round in my head, and it's about two-legs building on the new forest ect. The four clans split up, two preferring to stay wild, the others become street-smart alley cats. Then, far in the future, StarClan jolts the memory of four ancient elders. Blah blah blah, stuff happens. 

Does that sound too cliché or what?

Firestar grinned. "That actually sounds... really good! We'll be sure to check it out should you begin writing it."

Moonspeckle of ThunderClan: Did I make Halfkit's story too sad and if I did please tell me?

(Okay please check out the first chapter of my story to find out what I mean.)

"Although it is sad, all fics need a measure of sadness in them. Of course, Halfkit's tale is more melancholy than most, but it's how you and DNAcat bring out the dismal element of Halfkit's life and force the reader to feel what he is that will probably make 'Half of Me' a very popular fic in the future." Firestar turned to Hollyleaf. "Is that all?" he whispered.

"Yeah, looks like it!" Hollyleaf was about to cut when the TARDIS reappeared. Alderpaw and Badgerfang marched out, pointing AK-47s at the tied-up Twoleg between them.

"What are you guys doing?" shouted VolcanicPizza. "Release that-" He stopped as the man looked up and he realized it was Hitler. "Carry on," he muttered dismissively and retired to a back corner.

"Ficken dumm Katzen!" spat Hitler venomously.

"Why'd you bring him back alive?" asked Firestar, stepping on Hitler's toe. (It wasn't very effective, noted the Pokemon display board.) "Didn't this Twoleg cause a lot of pain and suffering?"

"Well, we were gonna kill him by sticking him on top of Vesuvius while it was erupting," Badgerfang noted, "but then we realized, 'Hey, why should we be the only ones to revel in the joy of torturing Mr. Nazi?" He blared his air horns. "Get rekt m8!"

"Nein!" screeched Hitler. "Ich werde nicht 'bekommen zerstört,' wie man so sagen! Meine Wächter werden für mich kommen!"

Badgerfang raised an eyebrow, even though he techinically didn't have eyebrows. "He understood me? And I thought he was a giant idiot!"

"Anyway, that's not the point." Alderpaw slapped Badgerfang. "I've got a public service announcement to make! Hollyleaf, is the camera rolling?"

Hollyleaf nodded. "It has been all along."

"Great!" Alderpaw stepped so close to the camera that you could see each individual booger in his nose. "Have your ancestors lived through Hitler's reign of terror? Were their families torn apart in the concentration camps? Or do you just hate Hitler? Either way," he stepped back so Hitler could clearly be seen, "you can now have the chance to stab Hitler and make him pay for all he's done! This will be open to everyone who applies, and you will be magically teleported into the room and given a knife the instant you type and post a review in which you agree to our terms and conditions, which are just that you don't aim for the heart, lungs, or head, since then he'll probably die, and there's no reason to stab a corpse!" He raised his voice so that the windows rattled. "Come one, come all, to Alderpaw's 'Stab Hitler' Festival!"

"Hey, why isn't it 'Alderpaw and Badgerfang's 'Stab Hitler' festival?" yowled Badgerfang.

"Because I'm more awesome than you." Alderpaw grinned, sliding sunglasses on.

"Oh, yeah? You wanna bet, fat boy?" The two toms ignited lightsabers and tumbled across the floor screeching and snarling.

Hollyleaf rolled her eyes. "Toms," she sighed.

 **A/N: Oh, good, you've arrived. (hands you a knife) Go ahead, review that you agree to the terms and conditions, and consider it that you've just stabbed Hitler. If you're a pacifist and don't want to stab him, or have a valid excuse, then fine. If you're a Nazi or admire Hitler, I heard that you'll earn a billion dollars if you jump off the top of the Empire State Building at rush hour head-first.**

 **I really hope I didn't botch the German, but I have a bad feeling I did. Sorry, German people/people who like German! I do not, however, apologize to Hitler and his pals.**


	7. Episode Seven: I Hate Thinking Up Titles

**A/N: First off, I'd like to thank everybody who stabbed Hitler. If you didn't get a chance to stab him before I updated this chapter, don't worry about it, we'll use Badgerfang's TARDIS to warp you back in time so you get a chance. I'll be doing another contest this chapter.**

 **Also, I'm really sorry I'm so late, guys, but... well, you probably know how school and stuff are. Badgerfang and Alderpaw had to kidnap me again, and while they were doing so Hitler got away, and... yeah. I'll just get right to the show.**

"This again?" snapped VolcanicPizza as the two cats trussed him up.

"You haven't updated for months!" yowled Alderpaw. "Do you have any idea how bored we're getting?"

"We need some action in our lives." Badgerfang snapped.

Firestar snickered dirtily as he realized how that could be interpreted. "Why don't-" he started, but Badgerfang whirled around and stuck his air horn in his face. "Don't. Even. Think. About. It." he growled. The author used the opportunity to grab a set of scissors and stuff them into his pocket before they turned around to tie him up some more.

"What're you smirking about?" demanded Badgerfang.

VolcanicPizza realized too late that he was grinning victoriously at managing to get the scissors. Thinking quickly, he replied, "Firestar's joke."

"That's it, you're in even bigger trouble." Alderpaw snarled. "Computer. Now."

"But my mom'll yell at me..." VolcanicPizza began.

"We'll take care of it." Badgerfang held up Harry Potter's invisibility cloak.

"How'd you get your paws on that?" asked the author. "And more importantly, how many other fandoms are going to be pulled into this before I go insane?"

"We'll stabilize your sanity with constant cruddy jokes." Alderpaw grinned. "Want an example?"

"NO!"

"Okay, so a duck walks up to a bar..."

"Hitler got out!" VolcanicPizza yelled, trying to point.

"Yeah, right." Alderpaw snapped as Hitler, in a moment of immaturity, gave the apprentice bunny ears.

"Alderpaw, behind you!" Badgerfang yanked up an AR-15 and pointed it at Hitler's face. "Down." he meowed calmly. "Good doggy. Good doggy. Now, sit!" He realized that Hitler wasn't listening. "Uh, what's the German? _Oben. Bad Hund, bad Hund. Nun, stehen!_ "

Hitler growled at him.

"I think you just told him 'Up. Bad dog, bad dog. Stand.'" the author noted.

"Okay, where'd my lightsaber go?" Alderpaw asked, looking around.

Hollyleaf jumped on Hitler's back with a syringe and injected it into him. The evil dictator collapsed. "Oh, don't be such a baby." she snapped at Alderpaw, who looked quite queasy all of a sudden. "It's just a very high dose of melatonin with some highly illegal narcotics I got on the black market mixed in."

"I wonder when the SWAT team will arrive to arrest you." Badgerfang pondered.

* * *

"Hey, everybody!" Badgerfang tooted his air horns victoriously. "First, I'd like to apologize for VolcanicPizza's laziness, and the only reason he's updating now is because he probably won't be back here until after summer vacation is over. Second, we're going to be having another Hitler-related contest which Alderpaw will explain after I'm done answering people questions."

Moonspeckle of ThunderClan: Soooooo.  
I am also Raven Wing20 and I have a cat/wolf/human OC and I can't figure out a prophecy for her.  
Please help me.:(

"Well," Badgerfang began, "you should first establish exactly what this cat/wolf/human OC is going to do that is so prophecy-worthy. Next, you need to cleverly work this into the prophecy while also ensuring that it isn't too obvious, as well as hinting at multiple outcomes or even a false outcome. Also, if this OC doesn't become a full warrior until later in the story, you can work their new warrior name into the prophecy as well. You should also consider having part of the prophecy cut off and not heard by whoever's receiving it, adding further mystery to the outcome of the story. Finally, don't use the first part of her name in the prophecy, because that will make it too obvious."

MoonpeltWarrior: How do you make a good songfic?

"Well, in general, you should look at some already-written songfics for inspiration. It's worth noting that you might want to insert action in between lines of the song itself. If possible, you should also write in an author's note what tune the song is to, if it's to the tune of another song. You also want to follow most of the normal rules of writing any song, like trying to rhyme and so on. Finally, don't just take a famous song, change some of the words, and use that."

It be Rivy: Ello! To start off this comment, I'd like to- wait no. I'd LOVE to agree to the terms and conditions! 

Another thing before we get to my question. OMG! Badgerfang, I'm like your #1 fan! You're my favourite cat in all 66 warrior books, and you're the bravest warrior in the entire series. You are way braver than Firestar (And I hope he hears this), and much better than Alderpaw!

Now for the question!  
I'm thinking of writing some Warriors Fanfiction, but I honestly have no plot for it. Before I start my own plot, I want to know which cliche plots I should avoid. I'm not looking for the REALLY cliched plots like "Warriors High" or "Kit is hated by the whole clan but grows up to be awesome." I'm looking more for some plots that there aren't as many fic's about, but that I still should avoid.

"Hey!" shouted both Firestar and Alderpaw, then immediately began jinxing each other for Doritos.

"Aw, thanks." Badgerfang leaned back in his chair. "Ma!" he shouted. "Ma, I have fangirls!"

"Very nice, dearie," Fernshade replied absentmindedly as she somehow managed to knit a puke-green sweater, despite having no fingers.

"Aw, Ma, you're not gonna make me wear that, are you?"

"Don't be ridiculous, dearie, it's for your father."

Badgerfang smirked as the camera panned back over to him. "I'm never going to let him hear the end of that..." He coughed as he remembered he was on TV. "Uh, anyway, here's a quick list." He turned to the chalkboard which had appeared out of thin air and began writing:

1\. Rogues destroy the Clans

2\. Tigerstar did take over ThunderClan

3\. Scourge did take over the forest

4\. The Dark Forest did take over

5\. Other tyrannical cat took over something

6\. Abused Twoleg, usually female, wishes to become a warrior and does

7\. Anything pertaining to a warrior having an epic destiny

8\. Alternate kits of Lionblaze and Cinderheart

9\. Poorly written trollfic with bad spelling

10\. If Firestar didn't join the Clans

11\. Something non-canon happening after Bramblestar becomes leader (yes, this does mean VolcanicPizza is a hypocrite)

12\. Kittypet/loner/rogue becomes a warrior and then the leader

13\. Anything dealing with warrior/Twoleg crossovers

14\. Warriors/anything crossovers

15\. Stuff about warriors from two different Clans having a relationship

"Those are the top fifteen." Badgerfang turned to Alderpaw. "Anything else?"

Alderpaw shook his head. "Nope."

"Pity." Badgerfang pulled out his air horns. "That means it's time for some Undertale."

"Oh, sh-" Alderpaw barely had time to flip the small black-and-white kit off before he turned into a floating red heart.

"I hate you." the heart growled as it dodged flying air horns.

The author turned to Hollyleaf with a sigh. "Just turn off the camera. Please."

"But-we-didn't-tell-them-about-the-Hitler-contest!" shrieked Alderpaw as he dodged more flying air horns.

"Oh, right." The author turned to the camera. "Basically, just review with a third-person paragraph about yourself killing Hitler however you want, and we'll take a vote. Whichever one is best gets posted next chapter."

"But won't that be in September since you never get to use the computer over the summer since your parents use it for looking up vacations and whatever?" asked Hollyleaf with a puzzled expression.

"Just freaking stop recording." growled the author as he dodged a flying air horn.


	8. Episode Eight: No Sequels Are To Be Had

**A/N: I'm getting tired of writing this fic, and quite frankly I have too many stories running at a time already. And technically, this fic is against the site rules. So, I'm going to be discontinuing-**

"HOLD IT RIGHT THERE!" Badgerfang yowled at the top of his lungs. "YOU'RE DISCONTINUING THIS?"

 **(weary sigh.) Yes, this is being discontinued. You should be happy, considering you won't be forced to obey my every which whim-**

"Wait one diddly damn second right there." Firestar butted in. "You're seriously not going to tell the people whether Alderpaw gets home?"

 **Uh-**

"And what about answering everyone's questions?" Hollyleaf added from behind the camera. "Don't they deserve a response after waiting patiently for so long?"

 **How did you get that camera in here? I thought I locked that in the-**

"And what about the Hitler contest?" wept Alderpaw, actually lying on the floor crying dramatically. "Everyone murdered Hitler in such beautiful ways, and you're not going to tell them who won?"

 **Oh, fine! One last episode to take care of all of that, and then this is over.**

"And stop talking in that bold text." Firestar's eyes narrowed. "Thinking you're all high and mighty..."

 **I _am_ the author and I do control everything happening in this fic...**

"So what? You've been talking normally like us for all seven episodes before this, isn't it a little strange?"

"Fine," the author snapped. "Just remember that I'm only writing this last episode out of the goodness of my heart, and one wrong move and this ends prematurely."

"Sure." Badgerfang rolled his eyes. "Can we get to the show now?"

* * *

"Welcome back to the final episode of the Warriors Fanfiction Advice Guide Show." Firestar intoned in a somber voice, not even bothering to hide his cue cards. "Before we answer everyone's questions like normal, first we will tell you who won the Murder Hitler contest. Of course, everyone killed him in such beautifully violent ways, but we could only choose one winner... and three runners-up." added the ginger tom. "So without further ado, the victors are..."

 **Runners-up: SylviaHunterofArtemis, Childish 'paw, River of Broken Souls**

 **Winner: A Silver Nightmare**

"And now, we'll proceed to our normal question-answering."

Wildstar93: I'm really liking this, and I like the comedy. Now I got a question: say that in a Fanfic about a Clan kit being abused, he/she decides never to go back to the Clan. What would happen to him/her?

Keep up the great work!

"Realistically, a kit alone in the wild probably wouldn't last a quarter-moon unless they became a kittypet." Firestar shrugged. "However, the Erins aren't realistic with quite a lot of scenarios they set up, and they don't know crap about cat genetics (that's not relevant), so you don't have to be realistic either. Some kindly loner or rogue might end up taking the kit in and teaching them how to survive, or alternatively a cruel rogue could mutilate them and then they would end up like Scourge. Alternatively, this kit could try setting up their own Clan once they're old enough. Or they could just become a kittypet. Your choice."

Snowcrystal of ThunderClan (Ch. 3): How much school talk/doing should I have in my 'Warriors High: The Next Generation' story?

Firestar shrugged. "It depends on how faithful you're going to remain to the original books. If they're going to basically be copies of the books set in a school, with certain events like battles paraphrased to fit school-like events, then it should fit into the storyline. On the other hand, if it's only loosely based around the books and only the personalities of the characters are the same, then it doesn't really matter."

Snowcrystal of ThunderClan (Ch. 4): I like the reference to Back to the Future! Also, what is the Dovewing Challenge?

"How do you expect us to know?" Alderpaw yowled from the back of the room. "Whatever it is, considering the date of your review it's probably already over."

Snowcrystal of ThunderClan (Ch. 7): Ha! Make More, please! And maybe answer my questions. What should I do on my 'Snowkit's Fate'? I have a main idea of what they to do... I just do not know how to get thief. Don't read the rest of this if you do not want Spoilers. I was thinking that cats start to get corrupted. Idk... Help?

Badgerfang began playing "Illuminati Confirmed" music.

"What is it, Badgerfang?" Firestar asked with a sigh.

"Corrupted." Badgerfang intoned. "Corruption. There is corruption in the government. The president is in the government. Donald Trump is the president. Donald Trump is a jingoist. Jingoism. The term jingoism emerged in England in the 1870s. 1+8+7+0=16. 6+1=7. "Jingoism" has four syllables. 7-4=3. The Illuminati triangle has three sides. Therefore, this corruption, should it be used in this story, will be caused by the Illuminati."

"We need to stop you from watching so many Peladophobian videos." the author sighed.

"Not like I had anything better to do over our six-month break." Badgerfang retorted.

"To answer your question, Snowcrystal," Firestar continued, "while cats becoming corrupted is not an unusual occurrence in Warriors fanfiction, if you can put a unique spin on it, it should work."

"And that concludes our final show." Firestar spun a complete 1-million degrees on his swivel chair and went flying off into the ceiling. He swore loudly.

"That wasn't very nice." commented Hollyleaf, ending the recording.

* * *

Blaring his air horns loudly, Badgerfang dragged Alderpaw into the reconstructed TARDIS. "Time to take you back in time to the first book." he sighed.

"Wait, back in time?" yowled Alderpaw.

"Yep! You've been here so long the first two books of your arc have already been published!"

Alderpaw opened his mouth, and the hills were alive with the sound of uncensored profanity. Which was weird, because they were inside the TV studio, not in the rolling hills of Austria. VolcanicPizza wished he was in Austria. Lots of extra credit opportunity for his German class and all, plus the local cuisine.

Setting the dial for early 2016, Badgerfang shrugged. "Let's hope this works."

The TARDIS began to glow, and that was all that happened as a sudden burst of light erupted from the wall, and a chrome-colored DeLorean skidded through the wall and smashed into the TARDIS, exploding it into pieces for no reason and singeing its occupants, who by all rights ought to have been blown to bits.

"What?" Badgerfang pulled himself out of the rubble. "Who was that?"

The gull-wing doors of the DeLorean hissed open majestically, fog covering the room.

The cat that stepped out of it was quite familiar. Remarkably so...

"Oh, fudge, not this again," Hollyleaf moaned.

He was also quite obviously yet another Alderpaw, but from even farther in the future.

For absolutely no reason, the DeLorean exploded. Certainly wasn't because of the rocket launcher VolcanicPizza was holding. In fact, he never even was holding one. What are you talking about? He had no rocket launcher, and he certainly isn't holding a knife at your throat right now and mouthing at you to say _yes, there was no rocket launcher_. Right?

The Alderpaw who probably wasn't named Alderpaw anymore from the future and the Alderpaw from the past looked at each other and promptly fainted.

"Well, that's a perfect spot to leave on a cliffhanger." Hollyleaf said sarcastically, "especially because the author's never going to write the rest of this."

 _ **THE END**_

 _ **Sequel coming...**_

 **Maybe...**

Eh, don't count on it.


End file.
